Recreation and Parks Department Vehicle Safety Policies and Procedures hearing this Thursday

This Thursday, October 10th, at 2 pm, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors is holding a hearing on Recreation and Parks Department Vehicle Safety Policies and Procedures. We were shocked and saddened by the tragic and senseless death of Christine Svanemyr while she relaxed on the grass under a tree in Holly Park with her baby. Please attend the hearing.

We wrote the following letter to... well... everyone we could think of. We hope that some of these ideas will make a difference.

September 9, 2013

To Whom It May Concern:

Like you, I am heartbroken and dismayed by the tragic killing of Christine Svanemyr in Holly Park last Thursday, September 5, 2013. I can’t imagine how such an event could even take place – and yet it has. The point of city parks is to be a safe haven for people to relax and children to play away from dangerous traffic. If that isn’t the case, as clearly it isn’t, we need to take a long hard look at our priorities.

I am on half a dozen local parents’ lists and the outcry over this tragedy has been overwhelming. Below, I have compiled a brief list of actions needed to change our broken system so that the parks can be safe and tragedies like this never repeat themselves. These concerns are compiled from a range of San Francisco residents and parents; I don’t pretend they are all mine.

• Increase the effectiveness of the 311 customer service line: I understand from the parents’ email lists that people have been complaining to 311 about motor vehicle driving in Holly Park for some time now. I personally have been hung up on more than not by the customer service representatives whom I reach through 311. All customer complaints must be followed up and resolved. This tragedy never would have happened if that were already the case.
• Prohibit motor vehicles from driving in the parks unless there is significant construction or object (like a large tree) removal: human power should be plenty for most regular park maintenance. Unless there is something significant and unusual going on, there should never be motor vehicles in the parks.
• Use the smallest vehicle that will do the job: if a motor vehicle is needed for a specific, larger than usual, park maintenance activity, it should be very smallest one that can do the job. Unless a giant thousand-year-old redwood has died and needs removed, there is no reason for anything larger than a golf cart to be in the parks.
• Enforce existing rules when motor vehicles must drive in the park: I understand there are a range or rules in terms of MPH limits, not driving on the grass, and having a second worker spotting the vehicle during any time they are within park grounds. I also understand that thousands of parents using our parks have seen Rec and Park workers ignore these rules.
• Assign job responsibilities appropriately: the job of maintaining our parks is a privilege that should only be offered to workers who respect the vulnerable nature of recreational space. If a worker takes a different view of recreational space, I am sure the City can find another job responsibility for him or her.

We have lost more than a local mother; we have lost our ability to feel safe in our parks. Christy is gone. But significant action, including the items described above, can return our parks to their intended role as a place for safe recreation. We all grieve in different ways – mine is to try to address the cause of this tragic loss so that it never happens again.

Thank you for listening.

Sincerely,

Urban Family SF

Nanny or Au Pair Interview Questions

I promised some time ago that I would do a post in hiring a nanny. In the meantime, I came across this blog post on Interview Questions for Your Prospective Nanny or Au Pair which you might find useful.

"cup cakes" or "The very best muffin recipe for me"... and maybe you'll like it too.

I hate wasting food: throwing away uneaten bits, letting things rot, or even just not enjoying something enough. It's an abomination.

How delighted was I when I found this muffin recipe, and what's more, found out how incredibly flexible it is. Here is my modification:

1 1/2 to 2 cups leftover (hot or cold) cereal from the breakfast table -- obviously make sure no one spat out their food into their bowl and no one is sick. (can replace with quick oats and yogurt, milk or butter milk -- see link)
1 egg
1/2 cup brown sugar, packed (unless you are out in which case white sugar will do in a pinch. One time I even used honey but adjusted the other liquids to get the consistency right)
1/2 cup butter (unless you are out, in which case any fat without a strong savory flavor)
1 cup whole wheat flour, finely ground oatmeal, + some flax meal and/or similar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
as much dried or fresh fruit, cut small, as the batter will hold
a dash of vanilla extract, cinnamon or nutmeg if you feel so moved

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Combine first ingredient (in whatever form it takes for you) with any dried fruit. Microwave for 30 seconds. Let cool.

Mix together (sift if possible) dry ingredients

combine cooled cereal mix, egg and sugar, mix completely

mix in dried ingredients and then any remaining ingredients

make sure you have cute muffin baking liners -- although not too cute or your young child will try to eat it with the muffin like mine does. By the way -- we call these healthy muffins "cup cakes".

bake 15-20 minutes, makes 12-14 muffins

Enjoy!

Harvey Milk Family Photo Exhibit

Harvey Milk Photo Center is inviting amateur and professional photographers to submit photos representing the many facets and forms of family within the Bay Area LGBT community. A variety of family units, such as those consisting of parents and children, significant others, friends, extended family members, and pets, will be showcased in this exhibition. Snapshots welcome!

Because this exhibit is celebrating chosen and extended families in San Francisco, consistent with the values of this blog, we promote it here.

on parenting teenagers

A new study finds that yelling at teenagers makes their behavior worse instead of better, says NPR. I don't have a teenager (yet), but I was one once. It was a terrifying and lonely experience. And I can confirm that my mother's attempt to berate me into being who she thought I should be only made me feel worse. I am sure the same is true of all relationships -- yelling at people makes them want to get away from you (and NOT to follow your loud and hostile instructions).

The other side of Opting-In: what's best for children?

When I read the New York Times cover story about how many stay-at-home  moms end up regretting that decision and wished they had continued to work, at least part time, I had the same reaction as journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer. What is best for the children? She followed up with an article in Slate called The Day Care Dilemma where she explores whether putting children into daycare is good or bad for them. As a working mother, the article sounded like an emotional ride for her. It was for me too.

She found, not surprisingly, that it depends entirely on the quality of the daycare. She said:"One crucial factor is how caregivers interact with the kids. Are they responsive and sensitive? Do they get down on the floor with the children or are they always standing in the back, looking bored? Higher quality care also tends to have a higher ratio of adults per child, fewer children per group, and staff is typically more highly educated." I clicked through some of the links to confirm the following basic list:

• How the caregivers interact with the children (on the floor, for example, or at a distance, are they warm? calm? respectful of the children's needs? do they use positive discipline instead of blaming? do they consistently interact verbally with the children?)
• The teacher:child ratio -- you want fewer kids per teacher (this is part of licensing requirements; so, is pretty easy to check up on.)
• The education of the caregivers (this one is more difficult because child caregivers are generally so poorly paid).

Here's how Melinda reacted to these findings: "My first instinct was to cry; my second was to attach a camera to my son’s shirt to see what his days were really like; my third was to get really, really pissed at our government for not doing more to ensure that U.S. child care is higher quality." I think there are obvious warning signs if your childcare is sub-par. My daughter has told me she loves one of her givers more than she loves me. Children do this, but, of course, it hurts my feelings. It is also a sign that she has bonded deeply with her caregiver which likely indicates strong positive interactions. You see a lot when you come and go with picking up and dropping off you child, and that's something to go on, but ultimately there's no way to know everything that happens in daycare.

We opt in.

A SMC friend posted this article on fb: No Dad? No Problem. Meet the Moms Who Opt In Forever—and Aren’t Complaining. I really enjoyed reading it. The SMC group's philosophy bears re-printing:

The word “choice” in our title has two implications: we have made a serious and thoughtful decision to take on the responsibility of raising a child by ourselves, and we have chosen not to bring a child into a relationship that is not a satisfactory one.

My friends tell me that agreeing with another person on matters as huge as parenting is challenging. I don't envy them having to maintain a relationship with another adult in addition to everything either. I used to envy parents who had the luxury of "opting out" of work, but I also know that they are often making that sacrifice for their kids and their partner's career, which is a lot to do for other people. One of my sisters once figured out, after years being a stay-at-home mom, that if she went back to work she might make more money than her husband. She realized, with glee, that that would give her the option to leave him.

My experience is limited to the people I know. This article represents the perspectives a larger group of women. It struck me that choosing single motherhood appears to be an urban phenomenon, and not just for cultural reasons, also for logistical reasons. I imagine it becomes more difficult to stay connected with your community, and have your social needs met, if you live in low-concentration land use.