"cup cakes" or "The very best muffin recipe for me"... and maybe you'll like it too.

I hate wasting food: throwing away uneaten bits, letting things rot, or even just not enjoying something enough. It's an abomination.

How delighted was I when I found this muffin recipe, and what's more, found out how incredibly flexible it is. Here is my modification:

1 1/2 to 2 cups leftover (hot or cold) cereal from the breakfast table -- obviously make sure no one spat out their food into their bowl and no one is sick. (can replace with quick oats and yogurt, milk or butter milk -- see link)
1 egg
1/2 cup brown sugar, packed (unless you are out in which case white sugar will do in a pinch. One time I even used honey but adjusted the other liquids to get the consistency right)
1/2 cup butter (unless you are out, in which case any fat without a strong savory flavor)
1 cup whole wheat flour, finely ground oatmeal, + some flax meal and/or similar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
as much dried or fresh fruit, cut small, as the batter will hold
a dash of vanilla extract, cinnamon or nutmeg if you feel so moved

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Combine first ingredient (in whatever form it takes for you) with any dried fruit. Microwave for 30 seconds. Let cool.

Mix together (sift if possible) dry ingredients

combine cooled cereal mix, egg and sugar, mix completely

mix in dried ingredients and then any remaining ingredients

make sure you have cute muffin baking liners -- although not too cute or your young child will try to eat it with the muffin like mine does. By the way -- we call these healthy muffins "cup cakes".

bake 15-20 minutes, makes 12-14 muffins

Enjoy!

Harvey Milk Family Photo Exhibit

Harvey Milk Photo Center is inviting amateur and professional photographers to submit photos representing the many facets and forms of family within the Bay Area LGBT community. A variety of family units, such as those consisting of parents and children, significant others, friends, extended family members, and pets, will be showcased in this exhibition. Snapshots welcome!

Because this exhibit is celebrating chosen and extended families in San Francisco, consistent with the values of this blog, we promote it here.

on parenting teenagers

A new study finds that yelling at teenagers makes their behavior worse instead of better, says NPR. I don't have a teenager (yet), but I was one once. It was a terrifying and lonely experience. And I can confirm that my mother's attempt to berate me into being who she thought I should be only made me feel worse. I am sure the same is true of all relationships -- yelling at people makes them want to get away from you (and NOT to follow your loud and hostile instructions).

The other side of Opting-In: what's best for children?

When I read the New York Times cover story about how many stay-at-home  moms end up regretting that decision and wished they had continued to work, at least part time, I had the same reaction as journalist Melinda Wenner Moyer. What is best for the children? She followed up with an article in Slate called The Day Care Dilemma where she explores whether putting children into daycare is good or bad for them. As a working mother, the article sounded like an emotional ride for her. It was for me too.

She found, not surprisingly, that it depends entirely on the quality of the daycare. She said:"One crucial factor is how caregivers interact with the kids. Are they responsive and sensitive? Do they get down on the floor with the children or are they always standing in the back, looking bored? Higher quality care also tends to have a higher ratio of adults per child, fewer children per group, and staff is typically more highly educated." I clicked through some of the links to confirm the following basic list:

• How the caregivers interact with the children (on the floor, for example, or at a distance, are they warm? calm? respectful of the children's needs? do they use positive discipline instead of blaming? do they consistently interact verbally with the children?)
• The teacher:child ratio -- you want fewer kids per teacher (this is part of licensing requirements; so, is pretty easy to check up on.)
• The education of the caregivers (this one is more difficult because child caregivers are generally so poorly paid).

Here's how Melinda reacted to these findings: "My first instinct was to cry; my second was to attach a camera to my son’s shirt to see what his days were really like; my third was to get really, really pissed at our government for not doing more to ensure that U.S. child care is higher quality." I think there are obvious warning signs if your childcare is sub-par. My daughter has told me she loves one of her givers more than she loves me. Children do this, but, of course, it hurts my feelings. It is also a sign that she has bonded deeply with her caregiver which likely indicates strong positive interactions. You see a lot when you come and go with picking up and dropping off you child, and that's something to go on, but ultimately there's no way to know everything that happens in daycare.

We opt in.

A SMC friend posted this article on fb: No Dad? No Problem. Meet the Moms Who Opt In Forever—and Aren’t Complaining. I really enjoyed reading it. The SMC group's philosophy bears re-printing:

The word “choice” in our title has two implications: we have made a serious and thoughtful decision to take on the responsibility of raising a child by ourselves, and we have chosen not to bring a child into a relationship that is not a satisfactory one.

My friends tell me that agreeing with another person on matters as huge as parenting is challenging. I don't envy them having to maintain a relationship with another adult in addition to everything either. I used to envy parents who had the luxury of "opting out" of work, but I also know that they are often making that sacrifice for their kids and their partner's career, which is a lot to do for other people. One of my sisters once figured out, after years being a stay-at-home mom, that if she went back to work she might make more money than her husband. She realized, with glee, that that would give her the option to leave him.

My experience is limited to the people I know. This article represents the perspectives a larger group of women. It struck me that choosing single motherhood appears to be an urban phenomenon, and not just for cultural reasons, also for logistical reasons. I imagine it becomes more difficult to stay connected with your community, and have your social needs met, if you live in low-concentration land use.

Sperm donor rights?

I listened with great interest for my lesbian and single-mother-by-choice friends who used donors to this morning's radio program, Forum: Should Sperm Donors Have Parental Rights?. The upshot appears to be that you must work with an experienced attorney to draw up your contract if you use a known donor, and you must abide the terms you describe in the contract for it to hold. Children have a right to know their biological heritage, and most people are honorable. But being a "daddy" takes more than a donation of DNA and/or money.

The Frittata a.k.a. Pizza

We've been doing the 1-weekend potty training with the help of my mom. Maybe I'll have some insights on that, but for now I am just exhausted. Instead, I share with you a recipe:

"Pizza" (which is really a frittata)

I make this about once a week -- it's flexible (which, you will notice, I require), portable, and kid-friendly.

preheat oven to 350

1 to 2 cups of lightly-cooked vegetables such as broccoli, spinach, asparagus, carrot, kale and/or potato, chopped small and cooled. (I usually wash, chop, then cook in the microwave in a covered bowl with a little water ~ 2 minutes.)
1/2 onion diced, sauteed and cooled
several cloves of garlic, pressed
6 eggs
1/2 to 3/4 cup milk, cream or plain soymilk
1 cup grated cheese such as Parmesan, Gruyere, mozzarella, chevre (not grated, but cut into small chunks) and/or similar
salt and pepper to taste (keep in mind the saltiness of the cheese you used)
cooked bacon or sausage cut into small pieces

mix them all together and put them into a 9-inch pie pan
cook for 45 min to 1 hour, check for done-ness of the eggs in the center

A popular option for any meal