The Manhattanization of Children's Bedrooms

Not long ago, when we talked about the "Manhattanization of San Francisco", we meant the increasing height and density of the buildings. We've moved past that -- given housing prices are higher in San Francisco by some measures. This causes a range of side-effects including, as discussed in a recent article in the New York Times, mixed-gendered siblings sharing bedrooms.

The article rightfully points out that not long ago, children didn't have their own bedrooms at all and instead slept where ever made the most sense... such as close to the warm fireplace. I would argue that the idea of everyone having their own room is a distinctly suburban one. When I was a child, my mother created an elaborate ruse because she decided one day it would be good for my sister and I to share room. This caused me to feel like I no longer had any room at all and didn't have a place in the house. Meanwhile a lovely large room stood empty right across the hall and, after many years, became part of the inlaw unit. I don't really understand it.

But the article touches on a bigger issue regarding raising a family in the city -- one of the barriers of entry and exit to/from the appropriate scale of housing for each stage of life. Some of my friends in San Francisco moved here after college and rented large apartments with their friends; the roommates dispersed and now those individuals have large rent-controlled apartments with their spouses and families.

But what about everyone else? There's a huge disincentive to leave a rent-controlled unit for a more appropriately-sized one -- you lose your low rent. Once you own, the transactions fees of correcting your housing investment can be prohibitive. Meanwhile emptynesters similarly have no incentive release their family-scale home back to the market in favor of a more manageably-sized one. All this causes a constipated market where housing prices are higher than they need to be because of unreleased of supply.

Siblings sharing rooms is probably a good thing regardless of gender. It forces young people to learn to get along with each other. It creates efficient use of space. And how luck are these kids to live in the cultural hubs of New York and San Francisco? They shouldn't be hanging out in their rooms anyway. But I wish it could be a more conscious parenting choice rather than one that is forced upon urban parents.

Tuna

I was excited to learn that Slate: Brow Beat is running a bi-weekly column "about cooking for children, and with children, and despite children." Frankly, this problem of getting my child to eat a healthy, balanced diet occupies way more of my mental energy than I would like. This week, the column is about tuna. We don't eat much tuna at home because I don't care much for it, but the mercury issues is a whole different layer. Regardless, it's always nice to have an outstanding pantry pasta recipe as presented at the end of the column.

Best City for Babies

You've probably heard the joke: "What does a Mission District kid get for his 5th birthday?

"A house in Layfayette"

On the flipside, the Chronicle reported yesterday that the website What to Expect named San Francisco as the #1 best city to have a baby: Surprise: S.F. top U.S. city for babies, website says.

It's true; the resources here are amazing. But there's always room for improvement. We also need to work on being a better city for kids.

Dance Along Nutcracker

This looks really fun:
Dance Along Nutcracker

Family accomondation at the Legion of Honor

Last August, we sent the following letter to the Legion of Honor:

August 25, 2013

To whom it may concern:

I have loved the Legion of Honor since I first saw it as a teenager in the Hitchcock movie Vertigo. When I moved to San Francisco after college, my dad bought me a membership. I spent many wonderful afternoons riding my bike to the museum, taking in a few rooms and maybe a coffee, and then biking home again.

My 2-year-old daughter and I love visiting museums. We recently spent a magical afternoon discussing the Diebenkorn paintings at the de Young (and I renewed my membership). We also frequently visited the SFMOMA. I was so looking forward to sharing with her the Impressionists now on display at the Legion. But, alas, the Legion seems determined to prevent families with young children from being able to comfortably see this art. They do not allow personal strollers.

At first, I was told (after we got our tickets) that the reason for strollers not being permitted was because of the crowds. I was relieved to see the rooms were only about half full when we got downstairs. Unfortunately, the supervisor I spoke with said they have “a lot of reasons” for banning strollers – though she did not name any of the other reasons. The Legion did provide a small, rickety umbrella stroller with a 40-lb. weight limit that would only be comfortable to push if I was shorter than 5 feet tall. My daughter thought it was a toy and wanted to push it around the exhibit bumping into other viewers. Because I was unable to contain her without our own stroller, she also attempted to push an “emergency door”, and the guard yelled at us.

Sadly, we left the exhibit without being able to view or discuss the art, and many of the other rooms at the Legion were closed. We strolled through a few, and she particularly enjoyed The Bath by Jean-Léon Gérôme.

San Francisco is a hard place to raise a family with the high costs of housing and childcare and the inconsistent schools with their lottery-assignment system. We struggle to stay because we love the cultural resources here, and I want them to be part of my daughter’s childhood. I cannot imagine the motivation of the Legion’s management to make life more difficult for families to see the exhibits – especially when the rooms are not even crowded. Shouldn’t educating our youth be everyone’s priority? Why obstruct art education? I would like to believe that we all want San Francisco to have a diverse representation of age among other things.

In short, I request the ban on strollers be cancelled, a strong reprimand for the management who created these dismal policies and for the supervisors who will not override them when they should.

I look forward to these problem being fixed quickly – as the Legion is otherwise a wonderful place.

Sincerely,

...

Much to our surprise, it was picked up by the Chronicle (after we sent it to them... and they edited it).

Since then, we've exchanged some voicemails with the Director of Member and Visitor Services. I emailed her back today as follows:

Hi, Karin-

Thanks for your call back regarding your family policies. I did not realize until yesterday that an edited version of the letter I sent you on 8/25 was picked up by the chronicle about a month later.

Let me know if I have this right regarding the changes you are making:

* improved communication and website so people know the policy -- great idea!

* strollers allowed whenever possible -- what are the constraints here? no one has yet explained the reason for the restrictions to me.

* new loaner strollers sturdier and better quality -- I just want to clarify which museum you mean -- the problem we had was at the Legion.

* more baby bjorns -- The baby bjorns are a waste of your money. If parents can comfortably carry their children that way, they will already have a carrier with them. Generally, the highly-mobile children who need to be contained to focus on the art are too heavy for a carrier.

Other than noted above, that's a good start.

Thanks for your offer of tickets to Hockney. As I mentioned in my letter, I am already a member of the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco; it looks like members are free to that special exhibit. I also wanted to clarify that I have never had a problem with our stroller at the de Young. The problem was at the Legion of Honor.

I hope you will continue to work towards improving family access to both the museums. We love Friday nights at the de Young and find it very child-friendly. The Legion is magnificent and should be equally accessible.

Sincerely,

...

Recreation and Parks Department Vehicle Safety Policies and Procedures hearing this Thursday

This Thursday, October 10th, at 2 pm, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors is holding a hearing on Recreation and Parks Department Vehicle Safety Policies and Procedures. We were shocked and saddened by the tragic and senseless death of Christine Svanemyr while she relaxed on the grass under a tree in Holly Park with her baby. Please attend the hearing.

We wrote the following letter to... well... everyone we could think of. We hope that some of these ideas will make a difference.

September 9, 2013

To Whom It May Concern:

Like you, I am heartbroken and dismayed by the tragic killing of Christine Svanemyr in Holly Park last Thursday, September 5, 2013. I can’t imagine how such an event could even take place – and yet it has. The point of city parks is to be a safe haven for people to relax and children to play away from dangerous traffic. If that isn’t the case, as clearly it isn’t, we need to take a long hard look at our priorities.

I am on half a dozen local parents’ lists and the outcry over this tragedy has been overwhelming. Below, I have compiled a brief list of actions needed to change our broken system so that the parks can be safe and tragedies like this never repeat themselves. These concerns are compiled from a range of San Francisco residents and parents; I don’t pretend they are all mine.

• Increase the effectiveness of the 311 customer service line: I understand from the parents’ email lists that people have been complaining to 311 about motor vehicle driving in Holly Park for some time now. I personally have been hung up on more than not by the customer service representatives whom I reach through 311. All customer complaints must be followed up and resolved. This tragedy never would have happened if that were already the case.
• Prohibit motor vehicles from driving in the parks unless there is significant construction or object (like a large tree) removal: human power should be plenty for most regular park maintenance. Unless there is something significant and unusual going on, there should never be motor vehicles in the parks.
• Use the smallest vehicle that will do the job: if a motor vehicle is needed for a specific, larger than usual, park maintenance activity, it should be very smallest one that can do the job. Unless a giant thousand-year-old redwood has died and needs removed, there is no reason for anything larger than a golf cart to be in the parks.
• Enforce existing rules when motor vehicles must drive in the park: I understand there are a range or rules in terms of MPH limits, not driving on the grass, and having a second worker spotting the vehicle during any time they are within park grounds. I also understand that thousands of parents using our parks have seen Rec and Park workers ignore these rules.
• Assign job responsibilities appropriately: the job of maintaining our parks is a privilege that should only be offered to workers who respect the vulnerable nature of recreational space. If a worker takes a different view of recreational space, I am sure the City can find another job responsibility for him or her.

We have lost more than a local mother; we have lost our ability to feel safe in our parks. Christy is gone. But significant action, including the items described above, can return our parks to their intended role as a place for safe recreation. We all grieve in different ways – mine is to try to address the cause of this tragic loss so that it never happens again.

Thank you for listening.

Sincerely,

Urban Family SF

Nanny or Au Pair Interview Questions

I promised some time ago that I would do a post in hiring a nanny. In the meantime, I came across this blog post on Interview Questions for Your Prospective Nanny or Au Pair which you might find useful.